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Raising a child with autism is a journey filled with both love and challenges. But when you also have a neurotypical child, the balancing act becomes even more complex. How do you ensure that both children feel equally valued, loved, and supported?
Many parents struggle with this part. While an autistic child may require more attention, accommodations, and emotional support, their neurotypical siblings still have their own needs. Needs that can sometimes feel overlooked.
In this article, we’ll explore how to navigate parenting both an autistic and a neurotypical child, ensuring that each one receives the care and attention they deserve. To do that, we'll first need to understand the challenges each child struggles with.
Common Challenges Neurotypical Siblings Face
While neurotypical children often grow up with a deep understanding of their autistic sibling, they also face unique struggles, such as:
1. Feeling Overlooked
Parents naturally devote significant time to therapies, interventions, and emotional support for their autistic child. This can sometimes make neurotypical siblings feel like they come second.
2. Resentment and Frustration
They may feel that their autistic sibling gets more leniency, fewer responsibilities, or special treatment. This thought process can lead to frustration, especially if they don’t fully understand why their sibling’s needs are different.
3. Increased Responsibility
Some neurotypical children take on a caregiving role early on, feeling responsible for their sibling’s well-being. While this can nurture compassion, it can also be overwhelming.
4. Struggles with Social Expectations
Having a sibling with autism can sometimes make social situations more complex, especially when friends don’t understand why their sibling acts differently. Understanding these challenges is the first step toward creating a harmonious, supportive family environment where both children feel equally valued.
How to Support Both Your Autistic and Neurotypical Child
Now, let’s dive into practical strategies that can help you balance your parenting approach and ensure all children feel loved and supported.
1. Have Open, Age-Appropriate Conversations About Autism
Talk to them about autism. Neurotypical children need to understand their sibling’s condition in a way that makes sense to them.
For younger children, something along the lines of "Your brother’s brain works a little differently, which is why he sometimes needs extra help."
For older children: "Your sister processes emotions and communication differently. That’s why she reacts in ways you might not expect."
For teenagers: "I know it can be frustrating at times, but your sibling’s challenges aren’t their fault. Your feelings are valid, and you can always talk to me about them."
Encouraging open discussions helps prevent resentment and encourage empathy between siblings.
2. Create One-on-One Time for Your Neurotypical Child(ren)
When autism requires so much of your energy, it’s easy for the neurotypical child to feel like they’re getting the “leftovers” of your attention. One-on-one time with each child regardless of their neurological condition is crucial. Dedicate time frequently to focus solely on them. Whether it’s a walk, movie night, or just a heart-to-heart conversation before bed.
It's also important to encourage their passions and interests and make them feel seen and supported in their own growth.These things reassure them that they are just as important as their autistic sibling.
3. Validate Their Feelings (Even the Difficult Ones)
Your neurotypical child might feel guilty for sometimes feeling frustrated, jealous, or even embarrassed about their sibling’s behaviors. Let them know their emotions are valid.
Instead of saying: “You have to be patient with your sibling.”
Try: “I know it’s tough sometimes. It’s okay to feel frustrated. Let’s talk about it.”
Encouraging emotional honesty strengthens your child’s trust in you and prevents them from bottling up their feelings.
4. Encourage a Healthy Sibling Relationship Without Forcing It
Every sibling relationship is different. Some will be closer than others and that’s okay. If you're worried that they may be too distant, you can grow a deeper connection by finding shared activities they can enjoy together, like board games or music. Also, acknowledging their teamwork when they interact positively and allowing breaks when your neurotypical child needs space encourages them, creates less tension and leads to an overall healthier relationship.
Remember, the goal isn’t to force closeness, it’s to create an environment where connection can happen naturally.
Teaching Your Neurotypical Child to Set Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges neurotypical siblings face is knowing when and how to set boundaries with their autistic sibling.
Teach them to say things like, "I need a break right now, but I’ll play with you later."
Let them have their own personal space. It could be a bedroom, a quiet corner, or a designated alone time. This gives them an avenue to decompress and recenter themselves. Reinforce that they are not responsible for their sibling’s emotions or behaviors because most times, neurotypical siblings feel guilt and a sense of responsibility whenever an autistic sibling has a meltdown. However, discussing these feelings and helping them set healthy boundaries empowers them to have a strong, balanced relationship with their autistic sibling.
The Hidden Strengths of Neurotypical Siblings
While growing up with an autistic sibling has challenges, it also fosters remarkable strengths in neurotypical children. Strengths such as:
Empathy & Compassion : They develop a deep understanding of different perspectives.
Patience & Resilience :They learn how to navigate challenges in a mature way.
Advocacy Skills : Many neurotypical siblings grow up to be strong advocates for inclusion and diversity.
By focusing on these strengths, you can help your children see the beauty in their unique family dynamic.
Overcoming Parent Guilt: You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Let’s be honest, many parents of autistic children struggle with guilt.
“Am I giving my neurotypical child enough attention?”
“Am I expecting too much of them?”
“Am I handling this right?”
The fact that you’re reading this means you care deeply, and that alone makes you an incredible parent. The truth is, you will have days where you feel stretched thin. Some days, one child will need more of you than the other. That’s okay. Parenting isn’t about perfect balance every day. It’s about showing up with love and doing your best. And your best is enough.
Final Thoughts: A Family Built on Love and Understanding
Balancing the needs of an autistic child with those of a neurotypical sibling isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely possible.
Prioritize communication and emotional validation.
Make sure your neurotypical child feels seen and heard.
Encourage sibling bonds, but respect their differences.
Most importantly? Give yourself grace.
One day, your children will look back not remembering every challenge, but remembering the love, patience, and unwavering support you gave them.
And that? That’s what truly matters.
Looking for More Support?
If you’re navigating the challenges of raising a neurodiverse family, You’re not alone. Join parent support groups, connect with other families and keep learning. Subscribe to our newsletter to get regular updates or join the APIN community for guided professional tips, shared experiences and community support. Your journey is important, and every step you take makes a difference.